surprise: why no adult relationships? it's stigma, not lack of desire

## surprise: why no adult relationships? it's stigma, not lack of desire

#### 23 August 2019
from surprises, part of celibate pedophiles

### ethan edwards

| 2 of 3. Pedophilia is so highly stigmatized that it is a very rare dating partner who would learn of your attraction and continue dating you. This item is part of a special series of posts. I first started communicating with other pedophiles online in a major way when Virtuous Pedophiles went online in June of 2012. This series of 'Surprise' posts is of a few key things I've learned since then that I did not know before. Ethan Edwards is the co-founder of Virtuous Pedophiles. Blog posts reflect his personal views, and are not statements from the organization. The classic lament about celibate pedophiles is that we can never know love or satisfying sex. But many of us, perhaps a majority, are non-exclusive. We can have short-term sexual relations with adults if we want. Even when the attraction is decidedly iffy, we can also get involved with partners where we perform sexually but aren't really into it. Gay men and lesbians have done this in heterosexual relationships, especially in times and places where homosexuality was severely stigmatized. It was far from ideal, but it often worked. There are also some partners who identify as asexual and are happy to be in a relationship with no sex. The rewards from relationships are about far more than sex. The biggest problem is something else: pedophilia is so highly stigmatized that it is a very rare dating partner who would learn of your attraction and continue dating you. So if you are aware of your pedophilia and consider it a big part of your identity, and don't want to keep big secrets from your partner, your chances are very poor. Pedophiles who do form such relationships seem to be of two basic types: those who don't mind a relationship with big secrets, and those who haven't admitted to themselves that they really are pedophiles when they get involved. Over 300 women have written to VP having discovered their husband or boyfriend is a pedophile. One reaction they have never reported to me is the man shrugging and saying, "I'm comfortable with it and I just hoped you'd never find out." Of course there are those who feel absolutely no sexual desire for adults, but it is this other large group that is held back by stigma that surprised me. About the author: Ethan Edwards is a pseudonym. I am a pedophile, always celibate, and I have never seen child pornography. My attraction is strongest to girls around 4 years old, but I am also attracted to girls and women up through their 30s or beyond. Now in my late 60s, I'm divorced and living alone. I was married for over 10 years and was heavily involved with raising my 3 daughters. For most of my career I was a successful software engineer. I am very unusual for a pedophile in that I didn't realize that I was one until I was in my 50s—but it was there all along. I am angry that we all must remain silent or risk losing everything. That was my mindset when I co-founded Virtuous Pedophiles in 2012. I soon learned of the the terror of the typical pedophile who realizes as a teenager that his attraction isn't going to go away, who has nowhere to turn for help. The injustice I am most passionate about is the harsh legal penalties imposed on pedophiles who passively view illegal images of children. I stepped down from my role as a director of Virtuous Pedophiles early in 2024 and am delighted to pass the mantle on to a younger generation. This content was taken from Ethan's longstanding blog, Celibate Pedophiles. Some of the titles and taglines have been edited for their inclusion at thepword. You can see an earlier version of the blog at the wayback machine. |

tags for this item

tags for this item

relationships33

other relevant items

other relevant items

surprise: lots of good pedophiles look at cp |  | surprise: what of two 13-year-olds having sex? |  | surprise: why no adult relationships? it's stigma, not lack of desire
ethan edwards 1 of 3. This series of Surprise posts is of a few key things I've learned since then that I did not know before. |  | ethan edwards 3. of 3. I'm in favor of letting teleiophiles (ordinary folks) figure out the right age of consent. They don't have a vested interest in the outcome. |  | ethan edwards 2 of 3. Pedophilia is so highly stigmatized that it is a very rare dating partner who would learn of your attraction and continue dating you.

surprise: lots of good pedophiles look at cp ethan edwards 1 of 3. This series of Surprise posts is of a few key things I've learned since then that I did not know before.
surprise: what of two 13-year-olds having sex? ethan edwards 3. of 3. I'm in favor of letting teleiophiles (ordinary folks) figure out the right age of consent. They don't have a vested interest in the outcome.
surprise: why no adult relationships? it's stigma, not lack of desire ethan edwards 2 of 3. Pedophilia is so highly stigmatized that it is a very rare dating partner who would learn of your attraction and continue dating you.