thread: how does a pedophile not become an abuser?

## thread: how does a pedophile not become an abuser?

#### 27 October 2018
from twitter and bluesky threads

### bly

| Pedophiles have different starting points and end with differing beliefs and behaviours. What do we know about why? How does a 'regular pedophile' become an anti-contact or pro-contact pedophile? How do some become abusers and yet others never abuse? Nobody knows the exact answer, but it's interesting to consider the process. I can only explain my experience as someone who was initially > > pro-contact as a very young man, then became anti-contact later. When first I fantasised about kids, I was a kid myself. The fantasies did not seem unnatural or immoral, nor did I classify them as pedophilic. They seemed nice, positive and intuitive. It was only after a > > while, when I was significantly older than the subjects of the fantasies, that I became aware they *were* pedophilia, and named them as such in my head. Even then, I could not easily see how such pleasant-seeming thoughts were quite the same as what society condemned in the > > strongest, most violent ways. To work out why there is that contradiction I had to become aware of all the social hypocrisy and unthinking taboo that surrounds pedophilia - something that very few other people ever have to engage with. At the same time I had to figure out > > what *is* a rational, evidence-based belief to have about it. At the same time I had to become aware that my own mind wanted to sort of trick me into believing that sexual contact would be OK. This is not easy to negotiate. Over time, I had to struggle to accept two things: > > (a) The fantasies in my mind, despite seeming perfect and pure and wonderful, actually would not be in real life (not easy to realise this at 17 with no sexual experience). (b) Everyone is naturally inclined to do and influence things in the real world so that what they want > > comes true. 'Normal' people attempt to make their sexual fantasies a reality. A pedophile has to become aware of that instinct-to-act and second-guess himself to prevent something bad from happening. Pedophiles who can't accept (a) become pro-contact. Pedophiles who can't > > accept (b) are at risk of offending. Sometimes they fail to accept it either because they would rather get the thing they want instead of struggle against themselves, or they go into denial: "I would never ever hurt a kid" and as a result miscalculate their risk level. > > Accepting both of those things can't happen overnight. I accepted them intellectually a long time before I was able to feel them emotionally. It takes time, and sometimes intervention, to get there. I was lucky. I have had the benefit of both. Not everyone is as lucky as me. > > But that was all in the eighties and nineties. In those days, you either discovered the pro-contact folk or kept away from all other pedophiles (I opted for the latter). Nowadays there are @virpeds, @StopSO_UK, @Prostasiainc, @Preventionintvn and others. There is hope now. About the author: I have been writing and talking about the experience of being a pedophile since 2017. Once on twitter until my account was banned in 2020, I co-led Virtuous Pedophiles from 2021 to 2025. I now continue to look for ways to improve the lives of pedophiles, but never at the expense of harming children. I have never viewed illegal material, and never sought or engaged in sexual activity with any child. The rest of my life is countryside walking, friends, Radio 3 and feeling doleful about ageing. |

tags for this item

tags for this item

censorship36
ethics of attraction32
offending28
social media37

other relevant items

other relevant items

map fallacy 3: time bomb fallacy |  | cp viewing and raw prejudice |  | what are celibate pedophiles like?
bly Why do people believe that all MAPs are doomed to offend? |  | ethan edwards Imagine a man who sees a shocking video of a 4-year-old girl being abused. He went looking for this video in particular, and he finds it terrifically exciting. He is excited by what is happening. How do we make sense of this? |  | ethan edwards The only celibate pedophile I really know is me. What I want to know most about others is whether they are good people.

map fallacy 3: time bomb fallacy bly Why do people believe that all MAPs are doomed to offend?
cp viewing and raw prejudice ethan edwards Imagine a man who sees a shocking video of a 4-year-old girl being abused. He went looking for this video in particular, and he finds it terrifically exciting. He is excited by what is happening. How do we make sense of this?
what are celibate pedophiles like? ethan edwards The only celibate pedophile I really know is me. What I want to know most about others is whether they are good people.