nitro: a community says goodbye

## nitro: a community says goodbye

#### 23 April 2025
from in memoriam

### virped members

| Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community. Nitro was a fixture of the VirPed forum from February 17, 2015, contributing nearly 5% of all the forum's posts and offering direct peer-support to hundreds of his fellow anti-contact pedophiles. He died on 21 April 2025 after giving permission to use his photos on this site. Much of Nitro's tenure as a member of the VirPed forum was spent as an administrator, a role which he took seriously. A kind and caring soul with a heart for everyone, he always wanted to be there for everyone. No one was left out in the cold as long as Nitro was around. The word 'omnipresent' has been used about him. With his 18,149 posts and 10 years at VirPed, and years in other communities, he was a cornerstone of the community. In his last few days alive, the then Co-director of VirPed, Charlie Keyes, gathered texts from people that were close to him. Nitro got to receive and read most of these texts as reproduced below. "Sweet comments," he wrote to Charlie, shortly before the end. Dear Nitro If there ever was a person that was called omnipresent, it would have to be you. You have always been the loving, caring grandpa figure of the community and I truly hope you have a sliver of an idea of how much you have helped people. From the minor setbacks to the big things you've supported so many individuals and many will have a lasting memory of Nitro. You were one of the first to reply to my intro post, and I remember it clearly, you said: Good post, people will relate. That felt so good. Someone telling me that people will relate to my words. It was magical. I also remember the first post I gave a reply to. It was yours, called: Young People, this board belongs to you. It was such a memorable post where you truly showed how much you cared for the community. I remember the few videochats we've had dearly. I can even say it was a bit strange sitting there, talking about boys with a man in his 70s, but you always showed how young you were at heart. You still do. I am sad I never got to meet you in real life, and what has happened now absolutely hurts. Whatever awaits you, I truly hope that the love you've shared comes back to you. There will be a lot. Never let 'them' win - Charlie I'm saddened to hear of Nitro's passing. He's been omnipresent since my arrival at Virped and he's always felt very much like a grandfather figure to the community. I truly believe his contribution to the MAP spaces will be remembered for a very long time. - Joe I had the opportunity to meet him in person only once. We went to the zoo, sightseeing in the area, watched National Day fireworks and watched movies. He is a very generous and kind man devoid of any anger or meanness. His physical condition was already worrying then. We talked about his time with the musical show cast and all the families he is sponsoring around the world. He is very proud of it and they mean a lot to him. After that, his physical condition declined and he was unable to travel to visit me again. On my side, I had legal conditions preventing me from going to him. Online, he is that very nuanced person and positive leader, actively working to bring the community together and helping moving it forward. He is one of the most well known and respected members of the community, with several IRL friends in different countries. We will all miss him. - Lonelyboy I don't have a single defining memory of Nitro on VirPed, but rather a continuous notion of his presence everlasting. He's been a bedrock of the forum the entire time I've been there, and for 7 years before that. Nitro is sort of the perfect VirPed member. He champions VirPed's mission. He challenges the notions new members might have when they first join VirPed, by himself being a former images offender. He's active within VirPed and outside of it, and has helped bring MAPs together. He's shaped the culture of the forum like no one else. He's definitely rubbed off on me. I've spent a lot of time thinking about Nitro these past weeks and months. I can't imagine VirPed without Nitro. He is the essence and lifeblood of the forum I fell in love with. - Hula In April 2020, I received a private message from Nitro, asking if I was interested in becoming a VirPed moderator. At that point, I knew Nitro as an active and supportive member, and I never expected to get such an invitation. Amongst many other things, joining VirPed staff allowed me to get to know Nitro more, and slowly we became close friends. He was someone I could talk to about anything, from sharing the happy and wonderful moments, to venting about tough times. I've never seen anyone as dedicated and as compassionate as Nitro when it comes to supporting other MAPs. Whenever there's a lonely, depressed MAP needing support on the forum, Nitro is almost always there, providing encouraging words in the thread, just one of the many, many threads he has participated in. He has an unmatched passion for self-acceptance amongst MAPs, and the patience to deal with many types of people which made him an important staff member and furthered his ability to support others. I've been fortunate enough to meet up with him twice. He's a wonderful person, really fun to be around, and I can understand why he has friends from across the world. He's helped me in so many ways, and I'm sad that I'm never going to see him again. If I could just hug him one last time, that would mean the world. Nitro, you will be missed, and everyone will remember how brilliant and amazing you were. I will definitely miss you a lot, our community won't be the same without you. - PY I think that Nitro, as a "granddad" of sorts in this community, has been instrumental in maintaining the life of the forum. When I first joined Virped I was frustrated and a bit scared, and he was one of the first people to respond to my posts, offering advise and calming words based on his lifelong experience as a MAP. It calmed me down in a time where I really needed it. When I think of Nitro I think of someone who personifies the phrase «its going to be alright», always with a positive and reflective outlook on life and on being a MAP. His calm, reassuring prescense in the community will be greatly missed. - Jay I didn't get to know Nitro as well as others did on virped and on staff (or as well as I wish I had), but I knew him well enough to know what a forgiving, non-judgemental, understanding person he is. I admired and still admire him for his dedication and willingness to take the time to support anyone who was in need of it, without prejudice or judgement of the kind of person they are, privately and on the forum. Nitro would willingly support people whom others may have clashed with or fallen out with because nitro understood that everyone deserves support, especially within a marginalised group such as ours. Nitro taught me right from the start of my arrival at VirPed that I'm not a 'what' but a 'who'. i.e. I'm a person first and a MAP second. He also showed me quickly this forum I had just joined is safe and has good people in it. It was clear how much nitro cared about supporting pedophiles and how important it was to him. I believe lives have been saved by him, and many more lives improved. I will miss him dearly. - Duke I never knew Nitro personally, but I've known him as a major figure in the community. I admire his dedication and commitment, and I appreciate his outlook on life despite the challenges he went through; a reminder for us to never let 'them' win. - Panda Prince Saying goodbye is never easy. I’ve found myself putting it off—hoping, maybe foolishly, that doing so might somehow keep Nitro here with us a little longer. Nitro is perhaps the kindest, most caring, selfless, and patient individual I have ever known. He has given so many people so much, from his friendship to his emotional support, time, energy, and even financial assistance. He has perpetually seen the good in others when other people, myself included, could only focus on the bad. He has been a pillar of support for the MAP community, and especially for VirPed, for so many years. He has helped support children and families across the globe for no motive other than the fact that he wishes for them to thrive. I will never forget when, through a bizarre coincidence, he discovered that a close friend of mine who happened to live nearby him was the same individual he had previously helped support online and lost contact with years prior. At the time they had last spoken, this individual had been going through a very difficult period in his life, and Nitro had remembered and worried about him for years after the fact. Nitro made this revelation while I was vacationing to individually visit both of them, and the relief he experienced to learn that this individual he had worried about for so many years was doing okay was immense; he was visibly emotional, and a weight had very apparently been lifted from his chest. Finally, Nitro was incredibly supportive to me. He encouraged me to pursue my own passion and was positive that I would do so to someday help others through their own struggles. He and I both served together as VirPed staff members for a number of years, and I will forever cherish the interactions we were able to have both online and in-person. Even as we prepare to say goodbye, I know his legacy of kindness, generosity, and strength will live on not only through everyone lucky enough to have known him, but through newcomers to the community alike who can appreciate and benefit from the space he has helped build. - BetterOffPed Nitro, you've been a foundational part of our community and a great friend to so many. I'm so saddened that we never found the opportunity to meet in person, but I will never forget our online interactions. You left a real mark on me and so many others. I can't begin to imagine the map community without your insight, kindness, and humor. You've played a huge role in shaping this community that has changed so many lives, not to mention the lives that you have impacted directly by just being you. Thank you for everything you have done for us. - Friendly Ghost I was trafficked as a child, it started with my grandfather as young as 4 and continued all the way up until I was 17. Despite this, I am a parent to two children, have a graduate level education, work as a data scientist that finds creative ways to use artificial intelligence to identify gaps in services for people who are aging, have disabilities, and for gaps in services for vulnerable children, families and youth. Nitro helped me build this life, without him I would not be where I am today. I stand on his sholders as much as I do any acadmic. He nurtured me as a standin for my grandfather without any expectation of reward or acknowledgement. Nitro represents something unique and wonderdul in my life. He is approximately the same age as my grandfather and has some similarities to him. Psychologically, I adopted Nitro as my grandfather. I told him everything, he knows my wife and kids, and he has been a large part of my experience healing from what happened to me as a child. He has helped me grow into a better person. He never once gave up on me... and he brought joy and peace into a part of my life that had never been able to feel joy or peace. I love him, I will always love him, and he will always be a part of who I am as person. A part of him will pass on to my kids. Here are a couple experiences that stand out about him: After my first son was born he was a gentle counselor for my wife and I. He would encourage me to love my wife and me talk to my wife about difficult things. He told his story growing up and immigrating to France to a youth I volunteer with. This youth was able to talk to their class about it and was able to relate to it having recently been homeless themselves. My son loved saying hi to Nitro and talking about all the new and interesting things in his life. Nitro would always encourage me to take my son across the street to get a snack, and encouraged the best parts of me as a parent to shine even when things were hard. When I was alone in a detention facility, Nitro talked to me and my wife almost every day. He helped by keeping my wife informed of everything going on that I couldn't talk about because of traumatic experiences I have. It has made my marriage stronger I could always count on him being there for me no matter what. And I could always trust that his counsel was wise and helpful. Where I felt alone and stuck, he showed me compassion and ideas to move forward with life. - Zurc You were one of the earlier members of our community. There aren't too many of us around from those days. You loved to talk, and you always had interesting things to say. I was exiting from the community right as you were coming in, so we didn't get the change to know each other too well, which is quite unfortunate. You helped countless people. You were a pillar of the community, in a place where help is so needed and so scarce. Your legacy continues. It reverberates through our halls, and will continue to inspire the next generation of those that help people like us. Thanks for being you. Thanks for doing what you needed to do. You can rest easy knowing that you left the world in a better place than you found it. - Sammy Nitro, your background and mine are different and our ways into the world of VirPed were quite distinct. But we joined because we were both motivated to reach out and reassure people like ourselves, and to try and remove unnecessary guilt. This requires commitment and you have shown so much, being a constant support to numerous people in your inbox and on the forum. Everyone needs a defender when others doubt them. VirPed is diverse and some people sometimes even need defenders within the community. That was the role you took and doggedly pursued, along with the roles sometimes of peacekeeper, advisor and contrarian. We need more like you, especially now you have to stop. I doubt you will get to read and understand this now, but hopefully I said the same things enough while you could. - Bly Dear Nitro. I admire your kindness and commitment to helping so many people in the community. You've been an important cornerstone of multiple MAP communities, you've helped to build bridges and provided important nuance to the conversations. I've always appreciated how open and honest you've been about your experience with the legal system. It has been healing to know I'm not alone with that experience and your perseverance and refusal to give up has helped me stay motivated and hopeful for the future. You will always be remembered and loved. - Aleksi Nitro is now in heaven. Hopefully with the things he loved. The nice thing is that the memories of him will never fade. I never had close contact with him, but I know he was in the community for a long time. What do you get out of life when you're ill? If we can then look back on a life in which we have done good and helped other people, then we have led a good life. And that's what Nitro has done. He has left his mark. That is something beautiful. And the traces that people leave behind in the hearts of their friends are the ones that cannot fade away. Because these traces change us. - Markus About the author: VirPed has run a forum since 2013, bringing together pedophiles and other minor attracted people who are committed to never offending against a child. It is a diverse community of people from widely different backgrounds and experiences, brought together by the stigma against anyone with this attraction. |

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other relevant items

nitro's final thoughts |  | nitro in person |  | pedophiles who don't excuse child sexual abuse
nitro I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying. |  | py He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was. |  | the p word What is this website? A place where you can hear a voice that is rarely allowed to speak. But people who love free speech do not love ours.

nitro's final thoughts nitro I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying.
nitro in person py He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.
pedophiles who don't excuse child sexual abuse the p word What is this website? A place where you can hear a voice that is rarely allowed to speak. But people who love free speech do not love ours.