# thepword

# a place where we can say it

p word 101

pedophiles who don't excuse child sexual abuse |  | i'm a pedophile, but not a monster |  | the non-offending pedophile
the p word 1 Jan 2025 - What is this website? A place where you can hear a voice that is rarely allowed to speak. But people who love free speech do not love ours. |  | todd nickerson 21 Sep 2015 - I'm attracted to children but unwilling to act on it. Before judging me harshly, would you be willing to listen? |  | ender 5 Oct 2015 - Too many people still refuse to acknowledge the difference between pedophile and child molester. They judge people for feelings they didn't choose.

p word 101

pedophiles who don't excuse child sexual abuse the p word 1 Jan 2025 - What is this website? A place where you can hear a voice that is rarely allowed to speak. But people who love free speech do not love ours.
i'm a pedophile, but not a monster todd nickerson 21 Sep 2015 - I'm attracted to children but unwilling to act on it. Before judging me harshly, would you be willing to listen?
the non-offending pedophile ender 5 Oct 2015 - Too many people still refuse to acknowledge the difference between pedophile and child molester. They judge people for feelings they didn't choose.

latest

i don't believe in monsters |  | crackle and burn |  | unique window
alex mcwilliams 1 Jan 2026 - I know I’m not one of you, and that it feels like I could never understand. But if you give me a chance, I’d like to try. |  | james peak 25 Dec 2025 - Review of The Pedophile, a novel by Robin Murarka |  | lukas 30 Oct 2025 - How could the thing I feared most end up being what liberated me? I am not a pedophile but I experienced "pedophile-themed" OCD. Meeting MAPs changed my life for the better.

latest

i don't believe in monsters alex mcwilliams 1 Jan 2026 - I know I’m not one of you, and that it feels like I could never understand. But if you give me a chance, I’d like to try.
crackle and burn james peak 25 Dec 2025 - Review of The Pedophile, a novel by Robin Murarka
unique window lukas 30 Oct 2025 - How could the thing I feared most end up being what liberated me? I am not a pedophile but I experienced "pedophile-themed" OCD. Meeting MAPs changed my life for the better.

classics

a strange and terrible unicorn |  | comfortably numb |  | we have to protect children, even the ones you hate
emma artless 1 Jan 2018 - The musings of a non-offending, female pedophile |  | ender 21 Jun 2016 - a journey through realization, despair, lethargy, awakening and acceptance |  | bly 1 Dec 2019 - A group of adolescents, many thousands strong, are struggling with self-hatred and fear, and most people don't think that's a problem.

classics

a strange and terrible unicorn emma artless 1 Jan 2018 - The musings of a non-offending, female pedophile
comfortably numb ender 21 Jun 2016 - a journey through realization, despair, lethargy, awakening and acceptance
we have to protect children, even the ones you hate bly 1 Dec 2019 - A group of adolescents, many thousands strong, are struggling with self-hatred and fear, and most people don't think that's a problem.

experiences

what do pedophiles do? |  | star trek, me, and pedophilia |  | a minor pedophile reached out... into the wild west
ethan edwards 24 Jul 2014 - What is the best behaviour for pedophiles, given you don't like what we are? |  | leonard johnston 8 May 2022 - You can learn a lot about me from Star Trek. It's shaped my perception of myself and my pedophilia. |  | bly 11 Feb 2025 - So I sought out people like me. I would go on those sketchy teen/tween chat rooms, explaining that I was a minor looking for someone to talk to.

experiences

what do pedophiles do? ethan edwards 24 Jul 2014 - What is the best behaviour for pedophiles, given you don't like what we are?
star trek, me, and pedophilia leonard johnston 8 May 2022 - You can learn a lot about me from Star Trek. It's shaped my perception of myself and my pedophilia.
a minor pedophile reached out... into the wild west bly 11 Feb 2025 - So I sought out people like me. I would go on those sketchy teen/tween chat rooms, explaining that I was a minor looking for someone to talk to.

no offence

voices that are drowned |  | the first few years |  | never say die: the hard rules of suicide and map talk
bly 22 Nov 2025 - Benjamin Britten - feted as a great composer, known to be attracted to boys, suspected of one rejected advance - can we claim him as a non-offending MAP? |  | bly 9 May 2025 - A longterm relationship between a non-exclusive pedophile and an unaware non-pedophile ends. Who is left owing what to whom? |  | bly 6 May 2025 - We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.

no offence

voices that are drowned bly 22 Nov 2025 - Benjamin Britten - feted as a great composer, known to be attracted to boys, suspected of one rejected advance - can we claim him as a non-offending MAP?
the first few years bly 9 May 2025 - A longterm relationship between a non-exclusive pedophile and an unaware non-pedophile ends. Who is left owing what to whom?
never say die: the hard rules of suicide and map talk bly 6 May 2025 - We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.

in memoriam

nitro's final thoughts |  | nitro: a community says goodbye |  | nitro in person
nitro 15 Apr 2025 - I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying. |  | virped members 23 Apr 2025 - Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community. |  | py 2 May 2025 - He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.

in memoriam

nitro's final thoughts nitro 15 Apr 2025 - I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying.
nitro: a community says goodbye virped members 23 Apr 2025 - Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community.
nitro in person py 2 May 2025 - He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.

podcasts

autopedophilia and ageplay |  | your mind changes you |  | married to a map
bly 12 Feb 2020 - I would say the group I consider myself part of, is people who are emotionally or sexually drawn to the idea of identifying with or identifying as if a minor. |  | jakob 7 May 2018 - I was a very confused teenager, and I actually went from being straight in my own mind to being gay. And, you know, then being a pedophile... |  | bruce and gina 11 Sep 2018 - As soon as she couldn't handle it, I was like, no, I'm done. Uh, this won't work, nice try, I'm gonna pull out, and I left.

podcasts

autopedophilia and ageplay bly 12 Feb 2020 - I would say the group I consider myself part of, is people who are emotionally or sexually drawn to the idea of identifying with or identifying as if a minor.
your mind changes you jakob 7 May 2018 - I was a very confused teenager, and I actually went from being straight in my own mind to being gay. And, you know, then being a pedophile...
married to a map bruce and gina 11 Sep 2018 - As soon as she couldn't handle it, I was like, no, I'm done. Uh, this won't work, nice try, I'm gonna pull out, and I left.

authors

authors

anonymous5
bly43
brandon goletzski4
brett daywalker8
emma artless3
ender6
ethan edwards167
evert3
global prevention project14
james peak3
leonard johnston24
markus2
py4
the gardener2
todd nickerson3

series

series

a life less lonely24
assorted1
celibate pedophiles 164
enderphile1
in memoriam3
new p words33
no offence11
pedophiles about pedophilia 17
taken down2
the prevention podcast36
twitter and bluesky threads26
untreated1

tags

tags

advice2
autopedophilia 5
books23
censorship36
childlike self concept6
classics8
coming out12
ethics of attraction32
ethics of images50
experiences66
families of maps8
fiction and poetry7
films6
maptivism23
media portrayals27
minor attracted youth27
nature of attractions22
neurodiversity4
offending28
other sexualities8
parenthood5
pedophile communities15
pedophiles who were sexually abused as minors7
podcasts35
professional issues13
public perception40
p word 10121
relationships33
science of pedophilia 12
social media37
suicide6
therapy17
women pedophiles 6

the p word is a collection of 319 articles, blogs, podcasts and threads in the voices of pedophiles and others who oppose adult child sexual contact and sexual exploitation of children. Despite our mainstream views, this content is frequently removed from social media or blog sites because openly discussing pedophile attractions or avowing them are not tolerated. Our side of the conversation continues here.
editor at the p word net Except where stated, all images are AI and do not depict real people

the p word is a collection of 319 articles, blogs, podcasts and threads in the voices of pedophiles and others who oppose adult child sexual contact and sexual exploitation of children. Despite our mainstream views, this content is frequently removed from social media or blog sites because openly discussing pedophile attractions or avowing them are not tolerated. Our side of the conversation continues here.
editor at the p word net Except where stated, all images are AI and do not depict real people Download the whole site

most recent entries: mar 2025 - jan 2026

|  |  | 1 January 2026 i don't believe in monsters alex mcwilliams I know I’m not one of you, and that it feels like I could never understand. But if you give me a chance, I’d like to try.
|  |  | 25 December 2025 crackle and burn james peak Review of The Pedophile, a novel by Robin Murarka
|  |  | 22 November 2025 voices that are drowned bly Benjamin Britten - feted as a great composer, known to be attracted to boys, suspected of one rejected advance - can we claim him as a non-offending MAP?
|  |  | 30 October 2025 unique window lukas How could the thing I feared most end up being what liberated me? I am not a pedophile but I experienced "pedophile-themed" OCD. Meeting MAPs changed my life for the better.
|  |  | 27 September 2025 the therapy whirlpool pavvn I'd like a therapist who can help me, and be aware of my pedophilia, one I can be honest with without evoking hurtful reactions. But I feel like I'm trying to swim out of a whirlpool.
|  |  | 19 August 2025 pretty good pedophiles ethan edwards Pedophilia doesn't define you. If you don't molest children, under the Pretty Good Pedophiles Shield, you should live life without shame or fear.
|  |  | 22 July 2025 review: sparta (2022) brizz A study in repression, misguided redemption, and missed responsibility
|  |  | 15 July 2025 a pearl of great price james peak Pedophilia is almost unique in that it is widely seen more as a moral failing than a medical condition, which renders treatment pointless and detection/punishment as the default societal response
|  |  | 8 July 2025 my therapy: opening the record win salisbury I’ve long wanted to see my case notes from my psychoanalytically-based therapy at the NHS Portman Clinic in London, England, in the early 1970s, yet till this year I had put off asking for them.
|  |  | 1 July 2025 you may have heard i'm a pedophile. this is not an apology. brandon goletzski An open letter to my family, friends and community in the event that I am doxxed, outed, or choose to out myself. At present none of those things have happened, but if that happens, I will attach my real name to this piece.
|  |  | 21 June 2025 poem: oven brandon goletzski the summer is at its full weight / i stand in the air-conditioned kitchen looking out from the window (why / is it that so much happens at kitchen windows?)
|  |  | 17 June 2025 when i chose pedophilia anonymous When did you choose your sexual and/or romantic attraction pattern? What alternatives did you consider? Did you take advice on it before you decided? Were you pleased with what you chose or did you later exchange it?
|  |  | 10 June 2025 chronologically wrong: a transage map anonymous Some MAPs have a strong concept of themselves as a child, which takes various forms. Someone identifying as transage explains how it feels.
|  |  | 3 June 2025 every day, forever hula Being a MAP is a large and constant part of the equation. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm attracted to children. If I weren't so active in online MAP communities, my attraction to children would weigh on my mind a lot more.
|  |  | 27 May 2025 double life anonymous One life was lived as a heterosexual non-pedophile and the other as a bisexual pedophile. I didn’t want to just break it off with her, as I didn’t want to hurt her. So, we got married.
|  |  | 20 May 2025 not a question of guilt iceground At 11, I left the countryside for a big city in Columbia. One day, a 20 year old man gained my trust after a long time talking. He had a network of child exploitation and I fell into it.
|  |  | 17 May 2025 a coming out guide for brave maps brandon goletzski People need to know that someone they love is a pedophile. If you're considering coming out to someone, here are my tips for doing it well
|  |  | 13 May 2025 do maps disown the p word? lecter Some people say the term MAP is synonymous with pedophile. Others act like choosing the map label means rejecting the pedophile label. Neither is actually true to our experience.
|  |  | 9 May 2025 the first few years bly A longterm relationship between a non-exclusive pedophile and an unaware non-pedophile ends. Who is left owing what to whom?
|  |  | 6 May 2025 never say die: the hard rules of suicide and map talk bly We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.
|  |  | 6 May 2025 on mary oliver's wild geese james peak Unrequited love, impossible love, stupid, foolish love. My heart is broken, but so is the poet’s.
|  |  | 4 May 2025 two way mirror: pedophiles coming out to one another bly Two people simultaneously and silently ask, I'm one of the good ones, but are you?
|  |  | 2 May 2025 the rest of the list bly A new podcast from the BBC highlights the gap between the popular assumption that known pedophiles are removed somehow from society and the reality that they are not. Why does this gap exist?
|  |  | 2 May 2025 nitro in person py He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.
|  |  | 23 April 2025 nitro: a community says goodbye virped members Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community.
|  |  | 22 April 2025 lawful good: writing a nomap character tom jones As I wrote the scenes where his attractions are revealed, it was my own coming out story all over again.
|  |  | 15 April 2025 nitro's final thoughts nitro I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying.
|  |  | 8 April 2025 mouse trapped: i was channel 4's masked pedophile anonymous In 2023, I appeared anonymously with a Channel 4 panel talking about my sexual attraction to children. It's clear we don't yet know how to have this conversation.
|  |  | 1 April 2025 is pedophilia an orientation or a disorder? bly The key question that public and experts are debating to understand the nature of attraction to children.
|  |  | 18 March 2025 caught between two stigmas markus I was sexually abused as a child. I am also sexually attracted to children. I wanted support for abuse survivors but was turned down. So where do people like me go?

1 January 2026 i don't believe in monsters alex mcwilliams I know I’m not one of you, and that it feels like I could never understand. But if you give me a chance, I’d like to try.
25 December 2025 crackle and burn james peak Review of The Pedophile, a novel by Robin Murarka
22 November 2025 voices that are drowned bly Benjamin Britten - feted as a great composer, known to be attracted to boys, suspected of one rejected advance - can we claim him as a non-offending MAP?
30 October 2025 unique window lukas How could the thing I feared most end up being what liberated me? I am not a pedophile but I experienced "pedophile-themed" OCD. Meeting MAPs changed my life for the better.
27 September 2025 the therapy whirlpool pavvn I'd like a therapist who can help me, and be aware of my pedophilia, one I can be honest with without evoking hurtful reactions. But I feel like I'm trying to swim out of a whirlpool.
19 August 2025 pretty good pedophiles ethan edwards Pedophilia doesn't define you. If you don't molest children, under the Pretty Good Pedophiles Shield, you should live life without shame or fear.
22 July 2025 review: sparta (2022) brizz A study in repression, misguided redemption, and missed responsibility
15 July 2025 a pearl of great price james peak Pedophilia is almost unique in that it is widely seen more as a moral failing than a medical condition, which renders treatment pointless and detection/punishment as the default societal response
8 July 2025 my therapy: opening the record win salisbury I’ve long wanted to see my case notes from my psychoanalytically-based therapy at the NHS Portman Clinic in London, England, in the early 1970s, yet till this year I had put off asking for them.
1 July 2025 you may have heard i'm a pedophile. this is not an apology. brandon goletzski An open letter to my family, friends and community in the event that I am doxxed, outed, or choose to out myself. At present none of those things have happened, but if that happens, I will attach my real name to this piece.
21 June 2025 poem: oven brandon goletzski the summer is at its full weight / i stand in the air-conditioned kitchen looking out from the window (why / is it that so much happens at kitchen windows?)
17 June 2025 when i chose pedophilia anonymous When did you choose your sexual and/or romantic attraction pattern? What alternatives did you consider? Did you take advice on it before you decided? Were you pleased with what you chose or did you later exchange it?
10 June 2025 chronologically wrong: a transage map anonymous Some MAPs have a strong concept of themselves as a child, which takes various forms. Someone identifying as transage explains how it feels.
3 June 2025 every day, forever hula Being a MAP is a large and constant part of the equation. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm attracted to children. If I weren't so active in online MAP communities, my attraction to children would weigh on my mind a lot more.
27 May 2025 double life anonymous One life was lived as a heterosexual non-pedophile and the other as a bisexual pedophile. I didn’t want to just break it off with her, as I didn’t want to hurt her. So, we got married.
20 May 2025 not a question of guilt iceground At 11, I left the countryside for a big city in Columbia. One day, a 20 year old man gained my trust after a long time talking. He had a network of child exploitation and I fell into it.
17 May 2025 a coming out guide for brave maps brandon goletzski People need to know that someone they love is a pedophile. If you're considering coming out to someone, here are my tips for doing it well
13 May 2025 do maps disown the p word? lecter Some people say the term MAP is synonymous with pedophile. Others act like choosing the map label means rejecting the pedophile label. Neither is actually true to our experience.
9 May 2025 the first few years bly A longterm relationship between a non-exclusive pedophile and an unaware non-pedophile ends. Who is left owing what to whom?
6 May 2025 never say die: the hard rules of suicide and map talk bly We deal with the topic of suicide similarly to the topic of pedophilia: denial, pre-formed narratives and a fear of listening to details of the truth.
6 May 2025 on mary oliver's wild geese james peak Unrequited love, impossible love, stupid, foolish love. My heart is broken, but so is the poet’s.
4 May 2025 two way mirror: pedophiles coming out to one another bly Two people simultaneously and silently ask, I'm one of the good ones, but are you?
2 May 2025 the rest of the list bly A new podcast from the BBC highlights the gap between the popular assumption that known pedophiles are removed somehow from society and the reality that they are not. Why does this gap exist?
2 May 2025 nitro in person py He dropped me off at the airport one last time, and he hugged me again. He wasn't crying this time. Instead, he mentioned that it may not be the last time he'd see me. But it was.
23 April 2025 nitro: a community says goodbye virped members Nitro, who has died aged 73, is remembered by members of the VirPed community.
22 April 2025 lawful good: writing a nomap character tom jones As I wrote the scenes where his attractions are revealed, it was my own coming out story all over again.
15 April 2025 nitro's final thoughts nitro I am a pedophile. I've made over 18,000 posts on the VirPed forum since 2015. I am dying.
8 April 2025 mouse trapped: i was channel 4's masked pedophile anonymous In 2023, I appeared anonymously with a Channel 4 panel talking about my sexual attraction to children. It's clear we don't yet know how to have this conversation.
1 April 2025 is pedophilia an orientation or a disorder? bly The key question that public and experts are debating to understand the nature of attraction to children.
18 March 2025 caught between two stigmas markus I was sexually abused as a child. I am also sexually attracted to children. I wanted support for abuse survivors but was turned down. So where do people like me go?