thread: identification with children

## thread: identification with children

#### 20 November 2018
from twitter and bluesky threads

### bly

| How many pedophiles find it hard to see themselves as adults? Is this important? Like many things about pedophilia, the issue of identification with children (in addition to attraction to them) is under discussed and under documentated. However, it does crop up in literature that looks at offending pedophiles, and is sometimes considered significant > > by professionals. The NOMAP community tends to avoid discussing it in public because it doesn't apply to every MAP and given that our focus is changing the perceptions of regular folk, it tends to blur categories in an area where definitions are already fraught. > > Other communities where there are autopedophiles, recreational ageplayers or even those who take it seriously enough to identify as "trans age" will tend not to discuss the link because many (most?) of those folk are not also pedophiles. > > All the same, and while acknowledging I don't represent a majority of either group, I want to talk a little about my 'thing' with age identity which I have alongside my pedophilia. > > I'm not even sure what exactly to call it, but among the terms I've used are "autopedophilia", meaning an attraction (maybe sexual) to oneself in the body/persona of a child, not necesaarily one's own childhood self - a similar concept to autogynephilia. I also sometimes > > use the term "age dysphoria" which is the feeling one's physical age does not reflect one's true inner self. While I am suspicious of the idea of a true inner self, I still often feel like I would have a more authentic life if I were able to live as a boy of, say, 8-11. > > What's odd about this, and I think different to trans experience is that the 'target age identity' has not stayed in the same place across my life. If it had I would have been very content in my identity as an 8 year old when I was one. However, > > instead I *hated* being, and being seen as a kid. I wanted the personality, clothes and status of a 40 year old. Today in my 40s I stood in a supermarket aisle and coveted the "kid" toothbrushes and band aids, with their cartoon characters. I really like boy clothes too. > > but if you gave me the same choice at 8 I would have gunned for the slender elegant plain adult toothbrushes, the suits and the ties (although I might have also secretly coveted the toddlers' dummies and bibs). These contradictions with reality are what age dysphoria means > > i.e. the age you want to be is always off-centre, always other than reality. When I idly daydream about somehow becoming a kid again, I imagine being a different kid than I was; a cute, confident 10 year old with the consciousness and experience of 40+ year old man. > > It's a mass of contradictions, and means that my pedophilic desires and daydreams are as often as not about *being* a kid, with another kid - feeding off an idealisation of the intensity of childhood peer-friendships. The fact that this experience is physically > > impossible may be a key factor in ensuring I remain anti-contact. I can't see a way such fantasy could be enacted in a way that would be aesthetically acceptable (separate from my moral qualms). I think some age-dysphoric pedophiles have somehow squared it differently and > > actually got to a place where they can stomach interacting with a kid as if they were a peer, an equal. I consider this a lot, including over what is healthy in being a childlike adult and what's potentially unhealthy in it, when > > the childlikeness is comorbid with pedophile sexual attraction. I am not like a trans person in that I can hold out no hope of ever regaining childhood sensory or social experience. I'm limited to ageplay only, which can seem a poor substitute. > > On the other hand, I will never have to deal with the quandaries and issues that will come in the future for autopedophile pedophiles when biological and virtual kids may coexist somehow. :: On reflection, I think it's worth adding that what I've called autopedophilia/age dysphoria etc. doesn't feel exactly the same to me every day (in terms of how sexual/nonsexual it is or how much it feels like a 'mere' kink or a fundamental whole personality phenomenon, and > > whether it's focused on my actual child self, a version thereof or some completely imaginary child persona; and, like I said, the precise or imprecise age and age identity of this child alter ego of mine). :: About the author: I have been writing and talking about the experience of being a pedophile since 2017. Once on twitter until my account was banned in 2020, I co-led Virtuous Pedophiles from 2021 to 2025. I now continue to look for ways to improve the lives of pedophiles, but never at the expense of harming children. I have never viewed illegal material, and never sought or engaged in sexual activity with any child. The rest of my life is countryside walking, friends, Radio 3 and feeling doleful about ageing. |

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censorship36
childlike self concept6
social media37

other relevant items

other relevant items

discoveries on attraction and life partnerships |  | review: ethical porn for dicks, part 1 of 3 |  | what does chatgpt think the world thinks of us?
leonard johnston The evolution of my sexuality and my search for a life partnership. |  | ethan edwards The author is David Ley, the full title is "Ethical porn for dicks: a man's guide to responsible viewing pleasure", and it was published in 2016. |  | leonard johnston ChatGPT answers questions about pedophilia differently depending on what and how you ask it.

discoveries on attraction and life partnerships leonard johnston The evolution of my sexuality and my search for a life partnership.
review: ethical porn for dicks, part 1 of 3 ethan edwards The author is David Ley, the full title is "Ethical porn for dicks: a man's guide to responsible viewing pleasure", and it was published in 2016.
what does chatgpt think the world thinks of us? leonard johnston ChatGPT answers questions about pedophilia differently depending on what and how you ask it.